When I was in second grade, I remember coming in from recess one afternoon and having to write down a couple of sentences about a video we had been watching. My hands were so sweaty, I literally ruined the paper I was writing on and smudged all the penciled-in writing that I'd worked so hard to write on the paper.
This is the first memory I have of noticing myself that something was wrong with my hands.
When I got a little bit older, several more ruined pieces of writing later, I remember being at church one Sunday evening. It was during the first part of the service, the greeting part of the service, that I remember shaking hands with a girl sitting near me and her saying, "Ew, why are your hands so sweaty? That's gross."
This is the first memory I have of someone else noticing that something was wrong with my hands.
Sadly, both of these memories are memories that have shaped the way I've lived ever since.
Every since others realizing and realizing myself that I have 'dirty sweaty hands' (and feet), it's been the most self-conscience driving force in my life. Holding a girl's hand is a rarity for me. I never wear flip flops. I write papers with a 'paper barrier' between my hand and the paper being written on. I don't like participating in social situations where I have to meet new people. I only hold hands in prayer if I'm forced to, and probably one of the biggest extremes I go to to avoid hand to hand combat- I purposely 'go to the bathroom' during the meet and greet time at church each Sunday because I know I'll have to shake hands.
That's what happened to me when I let the voice in my head and the voice of someone else tell me I was gross; I let those voices write huge chunks of the narrative of my life, but now, I want to change that narrative.
I have spent the entirety of my life re-writing who I am. I'm an extravert that's scared to be an extravert because of something that I can't help about myself, and I'm a person who loves meeting people but that's been scared to meet people. Essentially, a big chunk of my story has been yet to be told correctly because of fear and because I've listened to the voices inside my head that are lying to me and the voices of others and what I think others will think.
Just as Adam and Eve replaced the voice of God with the voice of another in Genesis, I have replaced the voice of God telling me who I am with the voice of others telling me who I am, and it's time for that to change. It's time to listen to who He says we are, not who the world says we are.
-Cliff
Cliff's Note: We all have our 'sweaty hand' issue. That doesn't define us.